On being ‘stuck’
It might even be a Good Thing…
Feeling stuck in life is irritating, frustrating and exhausting. So when I say getting stuck is a good thing, you might want to lob a shoe at me.
I get it. I really do.
But it only feels like that, because we've forgotten how human consciousness actually grows.
The journey of life is one of growth and exploration and expansion, of claiming our own authentic Self and expressing that out in the world. And we assume that this growth process is a nice smooth arc, because that's what we're used to seeing all around us.
Whether it's baby humans or kittens, rabbits and puppies, mammals have this lovely smooth arc of growth and development.
Mammals don't get stuck when they grow.
They just keep expanding until they get to adulthood. There might be growth spurts, but it’s a steady progression.
Human consciousness doesn't work like that.
It's more like a lobster.
Say what now?
Lobster’s whole body is supported by the hard, solid shell on the outside, rather than a skeleton on the inside.
He grows inside his hard shell until he's all squished up and cannot grow any more.
He's stuck.
Everything stops for a while.
And then lobster cracks open and sheds the protective shell, emerging raw and tender and fragile and vulnerable, a naked creature in the swirling ocean.
The act of moulting is a terrifying prospect, but he does it anyway.
He stretches. He makes a new shell around his own naked body, a bigger shell, with lots of room to move. And then, he begins to grow again.
He gets bigger and bigger, until one day - his lovely new shell is full. There is no more room and he's stuck again.
The stuckness itself is what triggers the next phase.
He doesn’t bother getting naked and vulnerable just for the fun of it. He does it because the pain of staying inside is worse than the pain of shedding and growing.
Getting stuck is not just something to be tolerated. It's part of the process.
For lobster, getting stuck is required.
Without the getting stuck piece, we have no trigger for our own moulting, the shedding of the old.
We have no inspiration to grow the new, expansive version of ourselves, into which we can stretch and grow.
It's time to let yourself off the hook for any feelings that you're doing it wrong if you get stuck.
Give yourself permission to be okay with being stuck. You're doing your lobster thang, that's all. It's a natural, normal part of the journey. Cracking open and revealing the naked, vulnerable Self is part of this miraculous and glorious process.
In fact, don't just tolerate it - embrace it!
Being stuck is a sign that big expansion is just around the corner.
And… you're not supposed to STAY stuck.
Our friend the lobster always moults, eventually.
He never says "oh, I'm just going to stay this small version of myself because I'm too scared to crack open and moult". He says "even though I know it's scary, I'm going to do it anyway because I want to grow!"
(OK, I may be extrapolating thoughts into lobster's head that he's never had, but you get the point)
When you finally embrace the stuckness, you give up resistance to it.
You become willing to move through it, to shed the old and sit naked on the seabed - no matter how terrifying it might seem.
And in that moment of embracing your lobster nature, everything begins to shift.
The secret to getting unstuck is the secret to everything else that we want.
Let go, let go, let go.
Embracing your stuckness is a fast-track way to let go of your resistance to it. And no, you can't fake the embracing in order to change things. Relax into it. Yes, there might be tears or sulking or fear involved. Own it and let it go.
Helping people do their lobster thang? That’s my wheelhouse, so if I can help - get in touch.
