The Dossier of Awesome

How often does your brain kick your backside, because of the mistakes you’ve made or the things that went wrong?

And how often does your brain celebrate all the things that went right, all the great decisions, all the successes?

Not nearly as much, am I right?

Human brains default to negativity, because they come pre-wired to keep us safe, by making us extra cautious.

On top of that, they learn perfectionism and productivity and all that other malarkey from our culture.

And don’t get me started on how brains will set impossible standards of what even counts as a ‘success’.

I now know that ‘made a really great cup of coffee today’ TOTALLY counts as success - but it wasn’t always so.

It’s totally normal to retain the things that went wrong, and forget the celebrations.

You have a human brain, doing what human brains do.

Your brain will notice a success and a compliment, in the moment.

But it will most likely forget or even dismiss them, because it thinks you’ll be safer if you’re always on high alert for trouble.

That pattern can be like a wall between you and truly expansive possibility.

And guess what - you can shift it by being deliberately and consciously proud of yourself.

Is your brain getting all squirmy now? Ugh, who am I to be proud of myself … I can’t stand people who are full of themselves … ‘pride cometh before a fall’ … a good human is humble and not prideful.

Guess what? There is actually no downside to self-pride, when you have done a good job and made a difference to someone.

Truly!

(Yes, there is a downside if you’re making shit up, but that’s not what we’re talking about here - we’re talking about accepting that you have done a TON of things well. I know that, because if you hadn’t you wouldn’t be reading this post.)

So, here's an almost absurdly simple yet powerful tool you can use to enable a bigger, brighter YOU.

It’s the Dossier of Awesome.

Think of it as a character file, the kind a spy might have when she’s studying the undercover role she’s about to take on, or the kind an actor might have to help them get into character.

This is a dossier about the awesome, successful and valuable version of you - WHICH YOU ALREADY ARE but your brain keeps forgetting.

And it’s like fuel for future joy.

Build the Dossier

Every time you have a moment of success (you do a great guest spot on a podcast, you sign a fabulous new client, you write a great song, you win over a swinging voter, you do something that is simple to you but remarkable and life-changing for your patient…)  - collect those and add them to your D of A. 

Every time someone sends you positive feedback in an email or a note on FB, or praises your work in any way, or says you helped their day, or gives you a compliment, or says thank you because you did a kind thing - collect those and add them to your D of A. 

Your D of A can be digital - I use Evernote for my D of A because I like the ease of clipping and copy-pasting. I also like the way I can whip out my phone and add something to my Dossier while waiting for coffee or picking hubby up from work.

Your D of A can be analogue - a scrapbook full of clippings, emails or FB comments you’ve printed out, cards you’ve received, all decorated with stickers and sparkles and colours. This approach taps into your physicality and makes you spend more time with it, so it’s more immersive and that has power. I have one of those, too.

And yes, you can have both, like I do.

Use the Dossier

Because the Dossier does exactly diddly, without this second step.

Imagine you're preparing to go undercover and your dossier is the ‘bible’ for your new role.

You'd want to know every single detail about this person you're creating, and you’d need that knowledge at the tip of your brain - not buried down in your memory.

You wouldn't just read their dossier just once, because your life depends on knowing those details intimately and reliably and instantly.

You'd study that thing, you'd commit it to memory, recite it while you're cleaning your teeth or driving down the road or in the shower.

This is like that, only way easier (and you don’t die if you forget sometimes).

You use the Dossier by reviewing it every day, for a few minutes.

Don’t make it hard.

Just browse through the contents randomly, spending time simply basking in the positive feedback you've received. You can skim everything, or you can pick one thing and relish that for five minutes, thinking about the person and the memory of their journey or their experience.

Aim for five minutes a day. Do more if you can, but don’t stress if you can’t.

You don’t have to do it the same time every day, but if you want to make the habit easy it helps to link it to an existing habit.

Review it over breakfast if that’s a quiet time.

Set the alarm five minutes earlier and take your Dossier to the bathroom with you, if that’s the only way to get privacy for five minutes.

Go to bed five minutes early and review before you fall asleep.

Have it in the car, and sit reviewing it for five minutes during your lunch break or before you start the drive home after work.

YOU CHOOSE.

Doing it daily is better than not doing it because you can't find the one perfect time.

Make a start on your Dossier today.

Take ten minutes to find one bit of positive feedback via email or on social media, or even write down something nice that someone said about you once. MAKE your brain find or remember something.

Brains LERVE being given questions to answer.

Be smart about the wording of the question.

Something like "what's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me?". If brain says 'nobody ever did' - you know it's lying and you'll have to push it beyond that. It could be the way someone thanked you for reaching something down for them at the grocery store.

Your brain might try and tell you that doesn't count. That’s just its old habits. No big deal.

It's your job to say 'shut up brain, this definitely counts!' **

Keep collecting and building the Dossier.

If you've already made your version of the Dossier of Awesome, but you're not regularly reviewing it - time to start!

Schedule at least one time each day for reviewing it.

Dossier of Awesome, ENGAGE!

** note - sometimes brains resist anything that will make you happier, because they are so SCARED of change. Don't let your brain do that. You're the boss here. Start with one small thing - find the tiniest possible three things for your D of A. Bask in them. Notice how even though they’re tiny, they have the potential to make you feel good. Add another thing. Bask again. Rinse and repeat.

If brain is being a complete arsehole and you need some help with the retraining, I can help with that.