Give SHOULD the boot
It can have us tangled up in all kinds of internal pressures. It's such a small word, but it packs a huge punch.
It’s the word SHOULD, applied internally.
It ties us up in knots, creating internal stress and judgement.
And we find it all over the place…
I should get that newsletter out
I should be nicer to my hubby
I should give up chocolate
I should be a better person
Not one of these sentences is inspiring or juicy.
That's your clue that while there's a 'should' attached, you’re not going to find any joy there. And you’re probably not going to get any kind of good result from it.
But here's what's great about 'should'.
It has a far friendlier cousin which opens all kinds of possibilities and gives us back our power.
It's the word COULD.
I could get out that newsletter easily, if I go to the good coffee shop and dictate a draft into my phone
I could be nicer to my hubby because it will make us BOTH feel good
I could give up chocolate, but I choose not to
I could drop the self-judgement
See how much lighter that feels?
See how easily you can reclaim your power to choose?
"I COULD" has way more power.
"I COULD" means:
I could ditch this thing altogether, let it go, release it into the wild (there are very few things that are a genuine 'must do' in this life - probably far fewer than you've been thinking)
I could do this thing imperfectly, knowing that my ‘imperfect’ is still amazing and that people love me regardless of my ‘flaws’
I could delegate this thing (pay, barter or simply ask a favour)
I could dance this thing, by transforming my relationship with it (that might mean changing how I do it, or genuinely changing how I feel about it)
"I COULD" means it's always my choice.
Obligation, begone.
Pressure, farewell.
Freedom, welcome!
And the weird part?
Our brains live in a world saturated with ‘should’, so the work of giving ‘should’ the boot is ongoing.
We’ll always have incoming messages from the establishment, telling us about aaaaaallll the things we ‘should’ be doing.
Here’s what I do, to keep my brain from falling too deep into the ‘should’ soup.
I invite you to join me if you like - not because I think you SHOULD change (see what I did there?) but because I love the idea of a fellow traveller (even if we're doing it in different time-streams).
Every quarter, for 30 days, I give SHOULD the boot as much as I can.
When I notice “I should….” in my head, I’m going to pause and replace it with “I could…”
The same goes for “I ought to…” or “I need to…”
I use a reminder app on my phone (because otherwise my brain sinks back into ‘should’ without my noticing).
And I exercise HUGE self-love and compassion, because nothing is broken - I’m just expanding my choices, and that’s a good thing.
Who’s with me?
(If you’d like to do this in good company, come and play in my Facebook group Mastering YES!)
