Can I heal depression?

A client asked me recently whether she could use identity shifting to fix the long-standing depression she’s been experiencing.

My response?

It’s complicated. It’s yes, and also no.

What is identity shifting?

Your identity is your brain’s opinion of who you are, what you’re capable of, and what’s possible for you.

Identity shifting is the process of deliberately stepping into the version of you that you are seeking to become. It can be a potent tool for growth and expansion, and it is always about shifting towards the most liberated, authentic version of yourself.

We can do it via internal work (rewiring our brain’s patterns and habits) and external work (tweaking the physical experiences to get closer to the person we’re becoming).

When is it a definite ‘no’?

Identity shifting is a dangerous tool when wielded with a sense of ‘who I am now is wrong / broken / damaged / despicable’.

For those of us who experience depression, anxiety, stress or any other form of mental distress, it’s really tempting to try and use identity shifting to become someone who never experiences mental distress.

That’s totally understandable. Nobody wants to be in pain.

But it’s kind of mean - it’s saying ‘who I am is unacceptable’, and that’s not true.

It puts a ton of pressure on you, demanding that you twist yourself into a pretzel.

And ultimately, it doesn’t work that way.

When is it ‘yes, sort of’?

You can definitely use identity shifting to reduce the feelings of being stuck in mental distress.

For starters, change up the language you use.

When you say something like ‘I am depressed’, it works like an instruction to your brain, telling it that you are inherently a depressed person.

Since your brain’s opinion of who you are, your identity, is fluid and responsive, you may end up shifting your identity in the direction you don’t want.

So you can definitely change that!

Try using kinder language such as ‘I’m experiencing a depressive episode’ or (my personal preference) ‘I’m walking through the shadow zone’.

That tells your brain the mental distress is a thing that is happening in your life in that moment. It is not a core part of who you are.

And when it’s yes, definitely!

There is one shining and glorious way that identity shifting can help, when the black dog of depression visits.

It works like a pattern interrupt, when we deliberately change tiny, granular details of everyday life, and thereby challenge the ‘depressed person’ identity.

When I walk through the shadow zone of a depressive episode, I tend to unconsciously wear the same clothes all the time.

Not literally the same garment, but an increasingly narrow range of items.

At this time of year (the very chilly early days of Spring) it's likely to be long t-shirts under one of the two big woolly sweaters in my wardrobe, and a pair of black yoga pants. I will literally choose my clothes in the morning based on 'I wore the pink sweater yesterday so today it's the orange' or vice versa - and often I won’t even realise I’m doing it.

Sometimes, my first clue is that I’m doing laundry more often, because I’m going through the limited items instead of using everything in my closet.

When I do this, my brain notices what I'm wearing and uses that to update its opinion of me to one that says ‘I am Janette who is dull, flat and boring - I am Janette for whom future options are closing down, for whom everything is kind of pointless, and for whom dull old age has arrived'.

That updated identity helps to cement me in that depressive episode, and now I’m also living with a brain that’s saying shitty things about me. Yikes!

But I can quickly and easily create a pattern interrupt for that cycle, by defiantly choosing to wear the loudest colours in my closet.

I don’t wearing vivid colours because I’m in the mood for them; but as a way to challenge my brain’s opinion, and a way to push back against my unwanted mood of wanting something dull and flat and boring.

And all day long, every time I catch a glimpse of my kingfisher-bright sleeve, or catch my reflection in the mirror, not only am I delighed by the colours, but also my brain takes those details on board and says ‘oh look, Janette who is vivid and colourful and bright’.

It’s a potent way for me to say to my own brain ‘I am not that; I am something different’; and to shift its opinion of me. Not because I need fixing, but because I need liberating from the identity of ‘depressed person’.

How to implement it yourself

If you decide to try this approach, design it around what is both doable and stretchy for you.

Make your outsides a match for what you’re seeking - a lightening of mood, a glimmer of hope - and expose your brain to it. Not because you are broken, but because your brain might temporarily need reminding of who you truly are - a glorious, radiant and beautiful human who happens to be experiencing an episode of mental distress.

Figuring this out can feel hard sometimes, so aim for the EASIEST possible option.

If you try something out, approach it with as much compassionate curiosity as you can muster.

Don’t approach it with the pressure of ‘hey, thing that I am trying - you better fix me or else!!’.

Rather, approach it with the curiosity of ‘oooh, thing I’m trying - I wonder what you will be like?’. If possible, get curious about why your body and brain have responded the way they did, to whatever it is you’re trying.

This process - embarking on a journey of experimentation, done with compassionate curiosity, to see which of these very ordinary, granular activities help to gently guide you back into the light - can, in itself, be a powerful kind of identity shifting.

Because it makes space for you to be wherever you’re at right now, without making you wrong or bad; it can give you occasional moments of relief from the pain; and it can help your brain begin to see you as someone whose identity is not defined by her current mental anguish.

It’s not the full story on how to bring yourself back to joy through kindness and grace, but it’s a really useful piece of the puzzle.