Freaking yourself out
When I was six years old, I got my first ever bike.
After a few weeks mastering it with the training wheels, my Dad convinced me to try it big-kid style - no training wheels, but he would be there to hold me up.
I'll be honest, I took some convincing.
But I was SOOOOO ready to get rid of those embarrassing little-kid training wheels, and ride around like a big kid.
I said yes.
He took off the training wheels and held onto me.
I began pedalling.
Wobbly AF, but I did it.
And it started to feel GREAT.
I pedalled harder, knowing my Dad was still running behind me, holding me safely in place.
I began to feel how the bike balanced under me.
I felt the surge of confidence that lifted me from complete novice to holy-cow-I-got-this, all in one glorious moment.
Little kid to big kid, shazam!
It was fan-damn-tastic!
I looked around, to share the celebration with my Dad.
Look at me, riding my bike like a big kid!!
And there he was, waaaaaay in the distance behind me, with a big fat grin on his face.
That’s the moment I fell off.
Not when he let go of the saddle.
But in the moment I realised he’d let go and I was actually doing it.
I had become that grown up big-kid bike rider. I had changed identity.
And it FREAKED. ME. OUT.
I call it Identity Shifting Whiplash and it happens to us all.
You might be shifting from singleton to dating queen; from employee to owner of your business empire; from broke to millionaire, from secretly miserable bigshot to joy-filled success story.
Sometimes you’ll get Identity Shifting Whiplash and freak yourself out.
You realise OMG I’M ACTUALLY DOING IT.... and your wonderful ancient, protective, stop-you-running-out-in-front-of-a-moving-truck brain gets startled by this unfamiliar new version of you - and fight/flight kicks in.
Your nervous system switches to protection mode, guarding you from this scary new situation. .
The freakout takes different forms.
thoughts like "I can't do it" or "everything always goes wrong" or "it's not meant to be
emotions like misery or doubt or fear or anxiety
actions like stopping in your tracks just as your momentum is building (not to be confused with resting and replenishing)
physical pain, as your whole body gets in on the action too
subtle wobbles of uncertainty because ‘THIS is fucking weird' and 'who are you and what have you done with old me??'
Whatever form the freakout takes - gentle wobble or arse-over-breakfast faceplant in the dirt - in that moment, the freakout seems like it's Real And True.
But we know different.
This is a momentary blip.
There’s an easy and potent strategy you can use to halt Identity Shifting Whiplash in its tracks, and get back on the bike:
Notice the whiplash is happening, without judgement but with compassion and curiosity. “Oh," you might say, "that’s an interesting moment”. All those thoughts and emotions are merely your brain trying to keep you safe. Good ol' brain, just doing its job.
Take three long, gentle belly breaths and/or move your body (shaking, dancing, brisk walk, run, whatever). This completes the startle response, so your brain can conclude that actually, you're perfectly safe. Everything's okay. You may feel your shoulders drop, your belly relax, your whole body let go of the panic.
Recite a favourite generic all-is-well style mantra. I’m assuming you have a few you like to use - if not, now’s the time to pick some. Mine include “I got this” and “Universe has my back” and “everything works out perfectly in the end”.
Once you’re calm again, remind yourself what you’re aiming for, why you want it and why you know you can become it - and celebrate that the very thing which freaked you out is evidence that all is well and you’re on track
Freaking yourself out is not a problem. It’s merely one normal symptom of growth and expansion. You got this.
And what happened with six-year-old Janette?
My Dad reminded me that if I’d ridden solo once, I could do it again.
I got straight back on the bike, pedalled off down the road, and opened the door to freedom.
